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10月10日 TimeIf there is one thing I've learned from My Life, it's: Time is annoying, but also, cliché-wise, a 'great healer'. I've actually experienced quite a lot of death in my life, various people that I felt quite close to, and others I knew and was friends with, but not quite so intimately close. Each time I heard about their death, I cried and felt the initial shock and unfairness of it. I can't possibly gage which is worse - the unexpected death of a friend or the long-time-waiting death after an illness; mostly because of how the deaths have panned out - those I was closest to were those that died a long death, whilst those I knew and was friends with all died because of poor driving. When my mother died, I remember feeling incredibly angry at people that used the old clichés - It gets easier, I'm sorry for your loss, My condolences, I'm so sorry, etc. But obviously when you're the one trying to express those feelings, it becomes hard NOT to use those clichés. Perhaps they're clichés because they are somewhat true; time DOES make it easier. In a weird way. It always sounded heartless to me, but really, it's not. I've not forgotten any of the people I've known, at all. I can still smell them, hear their voices. It gets a bit harder to recall, but you'd be amazed what meeting a random person wearing the same perfume, or hearing a long-forgotten song can do for your memory. For example, last week I had a fabulous night at my first Ballroom Dancing lesson. However it was hampered by the potent smell of the teacher's perfume. I instantly wanted to call her Sue or Nita. Nita's not dead, Sue is, but I've not seen either of them in years. My GOD it was as though I was in the same room as them again, the two friends in that pokey kitchen, laughing at whatever silly thing my brother had said, even if they never quite made me feel *that* nauseus. What I've also learned about grief is that everybody must deal with it in his own way. Unless you fall into a helpless pit of despair and become incredibly ill, there is no "wrong" way to grieve. It also changes with each person. I personally couldn't talk about my mother for a good 3 years without crying, so I refused to in public, whilst my grandmother and my brother wanted to all the time - which, unfortunately for my brother, wasn't easy, as his friends (they were all 7 at the time) didn't understand the necessity. With other people, I found it easier to talk about them - but only if it was a jolly reminiscing. I think Time has also shown me how magical the past can be. No wonder historians such as myself enjoy studying it! Everytime I recount, for example, episodes of my school years, or how The Boyfriend and I got together, it seems amazingly a short time ago, and somehow better than it appeared at the time. You can laugh at your mistakes, or silly things you said, the embarassment is gone, and the sadness is less, somehow. To those of you that have experienced death in the last few days, please let me tell you this: You will always cry for her. But you will laugh, too. There'll be lovely memories, and things that will remind you of her. You have your chat histories, text messages, and any little titbits you might have received from her. What you feel now will never go away, but it becomes easier to bear, and is soon outweighed by the wonderful times you spent together. Cliché, again, I know, but I guess it's because it's true. ~Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep.~ 引用通告引用此项的网络日志
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