I was eating my toast this morning - brown, with peanut butter and apricot conserve - and I was thinking about jams.

My grandad really likes marmalade and when you go to get out the honey, or peanut butter, or whatever, you see a jar of marmalade, and it says "Sainsbury's Orange Marmalade."

Isn't the definition of marmalade that it's a sort of jam-conserve-type thing, traditionally made from oranges? I know you get lime marmalade or lemon, and it's reasonable to say "lemon marmalade" but honestly, what's the point in putting "orange marmalade"? You get different flavoured Lemonade, and the titles change accordingly, but I've not come across "Lemon Lemonade". That'd be daft, no? Or "Coke Coca Cola" - don't forget there's cherry coke.

Apparently the definition is technically wrong. According to answers.com, marmalade is originally a portuguese creation from Quince. But now-a-days Seville Oranges are the more commonly used ingredient. Huh.

I was arguing with my brother about the difference between Jam and Conserve once. I said that conserve was just regular jam, except it had whole or parts of fruit in it.
He cleverly came up with an argument using strawberry jam, which often has pieces of strawberry in. But then, it was probably a mislabeled jar. I'm always right where my brother's concerned. Even if the logic isn't right. =P
Conserves are simply jams made of fruit doused in sugar. To conserve it. Aren't I clever?
Jams are slightly different and tend to be runny, stickier and just a big mess - cause they've been "boiled to a pulp with sugar." Doesn't mean I don't love my raspberry jam though. ^^ Without the seeds in though. I find the seeds stick in my teeth and it's not really helped by crunchy peanuts.

This is actually a rather stupid blog, cause the only thing I've proven to myself is that I know the difference [more or less] between conserves and jams.
Still think it's silly to say "orange marmalade", but I can't change the world, can I?

Lanky One says I think too much, which is probably true. Shame I don't think this much in my lessons >>

Well went shopping today.

In the end, we didn't find much. I erm. I was remeasured at the *whisper* bra fitting place, and let's just say, apparently I've shrunk 2 inches around my ribcage, and grown by 3 or 4 sizes, resulting in me having to choose between bras suitable for 50-80 year old FAT women.

Screw that. Bras vary in make, so I'll go with what fits, right? Even if it's "technically too small". =| She was surprised my current one was fitting...so she can lump it.
I've also - in reflection - decided not to trust measurer woman. Last time I was measured, she used an actual tape measure. This one went by various bras, which a)I'd NEVER wear, and b) varied in style, so of COURSE I'm gonna need a huge one when the cup isn't designed to cover you completely.
I'll just be remeasured in Gigantic Bra shop, and M&S, to compare. Ah well.

Once again, I have given far too much information. First monthly cycles, next bra fittings.
Would you like my inner leg lengths? [one's longer than the other if that makes you more interested]

I made myself feel better - after measurerlady suggested a shop, which as I said, turned out to be for old, saggy, fat women - I met the Lanky One, and we went around town. I ended up buying this rather lovely teal top in the H&M sale, along with a sale DVD of Run Fatboy Run which I enjoyed at the cinema.

Retail therapy is an odd idea of women though.
They feel upset, so they go and overdraft on their debit/credit cards to make themselves feel better with clothes, or shoes, or food, but then of course, the after effects lead to more depression and possibly debt.

I don't see men doing that. Mind you, they often had other stupid hobbies. Like drink away their sorrows, slowly pickling their livers and then perhaps doing something incredibly stupid, like sleeping with a woman whom he thought was attractive, but was actually a drag queen, or getting 'I love Fifi' tattooed on their arms, when the wife is called 'Claudia' or something that results in sleeping on the couch and massive hang overs.

Yes, cheering ourselves up certainly leads to odd human behaviour.


I said I'd reward two of my readers - because on a forum I go to, infact most people reading this are from EA, there was a thread about "favourite blogs". And Jessie and Aaron [the smurf, not THE Aaron. ;)] both said they read mine.
So that's the reward. A special mention.

Did I get you all excited? Did I? Did I?

Future blogs I promise will be less detailed about my anatomy, and perhaps more like my old ones: discussions on strange things. I'm thinking about toast a lot lately, so I might do a post on it. That and jam/marmalade.

Heh. I've had a pretty weird day.

Got up, went downstairs and grabbed some toast, did revision on the Walcott poems [I might be able to scrape a reasonable answer together now, so long as the question is not ridiculous], then I read poems out loud to my gran who was baking my grandad's birthday cake, then we ate lunch, then I read an adorable email from The Lanky One who had to go to college to get his deposit on books back, then I watched Gosford Park, then I did more revision, then I argued over a stupid little thing with Lanky One, then I watched holby, then I came upstairs and got stressed out, then he had to go, and I am writing this.

How the hell did I get stressed? For starters, I deliberately finished the bottle of Advocaat - I recommend it with coke if you don't enjoy it neat - so that I would be relaxed enough to sleep. But to no avail. Instead I stressed over how the fudge I'm going to work my meds so that I'm taking them whilst in Egypt and over Lanky One's birthday - fortunately his is 3 days after I come home, so that's cool - cause. Well. Basically, I'm biologically broken. Cysts on my ovaries - yes boys, it's icky gross period talk - meant that I never knew when my next period would be. I went from 3 months of having them every 10 days [I'm sure that's not physically possible] to having them every 6 MONTHS. I kinda got fed up. You know, parents say "oh you'll sort yourself out after the first year or two." Well, lucky me was a late starter, and 4 years in I was still having no joy.
So I went on the pill. And over the exam period, I've been allowed by my doctor to take them 3 months running, cause frankly, when I'm on my period, it's debilitating and I wasn't going to do an exam whilst feeling as thought I've lost half my body mass in blood. [by the way, I'm a graphic sort of girl.] Anyway, I don't particularly want to be on whilst in Egypt in July, so I spent about an hour trying to count days so that I can be on the pill in Egypt and on the 11th of August.
I have 3 options. =D
1: finish my current course a week early. But that means that I have 7 pills left over. =| what the fudge do I do with those?
2: Just finish my current course when I'm supposed to, but not start the next 21 pills until 2 weeks after I'm supposed to.
3: Just come off when I'm supposed to, and stay on another 3 months. - I think my doctor said I could do that, to see how much better or worse a 3 month gap between my 'time of the month' is compared to a month gap. Heh.

Sorry guys. I'm a neurotic sort of person, and I need to talk things out clearly in order for me to understand myself and to make decisions. If you read my blog on choosing what to wear to a party, then you'll have guessed that already. If you're training to be a psychologist. Or just watch good documentaries.

Tomorrow's my final exam. Woot. Going to town on Friday for retail therapy. Should be good in the aftermath. Tomorrow evening my grandmother and brother are taking me to my favourite restaurant - The Jade Fountain - to celebrate. I should be ok. I mean, the unseen passage is pretty easy - you analyse a lot, bring in some own knowledge of the genre or historical context of the setting and compare to other themes of post-colonial books you've read.
Walcott's a bit harder, but I should be ok.

Huh. Stress is a weird thing. Varies in severity with me. Mild: Weepies, tense, panicking and inability to sleep, and the more pronounced stress which fortunately I've not suffered this year consisted of actual weight loss and frequent headaches, even migraines. =D
Never ON the day of the exam though. Only ever just before or after. Usually after. Huh.
Alcohol should relax - particularly liqueur. But never mind. I'm suddenly feeling rather worn out...

Well. I've finished all my exams, save one. English literature on Thursday. I'm confident in half the paper, and a little iffy with the other half, but over all I'll be ok, I think.

The unseen paper is perhaps the most factory-answered paper I've ever had since GCSE. It's 80:20 on passage analysis and everything else [comparison of texts, historical and literary contexts along with some marks on quality of written answer]. Should be fine.

The other paper, on Derek Walcott, a Caribbean poet, is a little trickier. I must try to compare his poems with Jean Rhys's Wide Sargasso Sea. Which is easier with some poems than others. I have to choose the poems according to the question. If I were to discuss 'oppression' or 'memories' then that'd be easy - Ruins of a Great House vs Antoinette's house. If it's something like "Walcott shares with other Post-Colonial writers the ability to create a unique identity for the dispossessed. Discuss.' then I'd have a little more difficulty. I could discuss the tone and anger of his narrator in Ruins of a Great House, and compare his abilities as a poet to that of the novelist Jean Rhys. I suppose if I tried, I could bring in Another Life, but I'm not too strong on his other poems. I need to revise them, really.

I've a plan. Today I'm reading through them and through essays I've written and checking what I need to do for the exam. Tomorrow I will list the themes and quotes and comparisons of each major poem. That way I can bring in some, no?

Kinda bored at the moment. Won't be seeing anyone for the next 4 days. But then Lanky One's coming to camp round mine on Saturday. Yay~

Up until after my classics exam, I was pretty strict with my timetable. However I realised that if there was ANY way that I could get up on Thursday at 6.45 in order to get to my exam, I'd have to start getting up earlier.

I tell you, until last week, I hadn't realised that I wasn't sleeping well. >.<
I wake up at night just thinking about Milton and The Rover.
I hope Milton went to hell. Least he deserves ¬¬. Rejection from his all-loving God. Bastard.

Well. I've done my best with the little energy I have: I've revised the Rover - loosely I'll admit, but I really feel I know this text. I'll give it a quick run through before bed on Tuesday though. ;P.
Milton I've made notes for, tried to learn quotes, but honestly, if I can't use those quotes I remember in any essay question because it's not characterisation, landscape or epic genre, I'm pretty screwed. *shrugs*

It's all cool. I'll just struggle through this week - Critical Thinking which I know nothing of how to answer, Drama/Poetry paper and Edward and Mary - then I can get back to subjects I'm comfortable with.

I've sorted out how to revise for the rest of History: Turning Points, Key Factors and other stuff, and then for the unseen I'll read through notes on Brick Lane for comparison, and swot up on some AO5 [historical context] and then for Walcott, I'll bloody well read the poems and the notes I made with some quotes, and try to reread Wide Sargasso Sea for comparison. >.<

All these quotes to remember. Milton's hardest. Just won't stick. Only a few things.


Ah well. I'll take some herbal tea and lots of sweetners before bed. ^^ That'll make me sleep.
[I can't believe I fell asleep at my desk earlier watching Scrubs >_<;']

I liked Iron Man when I was little, and I have to say, the makers of this film did a really good job.


Plot:
The plot line was not too busy, and pretty straight forward: as it should be. They modernised it considerably - what with Stark (<3) being kidnapped by Taliban-look-a-likes - but it works really well. Instead of sticking to the original anti-communist fighting in Vietnam, they updated it to anti-taliban-types in Afghanistan, where the start of the film is set.

It has the action, the double-crossing bad guy, the comic moments, the girl and a nice clean ending that suited the character and was on par with the rest of the film.


Cast:
Excellently cast: right down to the middle-eastern evil men.

Robert J Downey Jr was awesome - he really fitted his role, and was able to add some comedy to the film. The acting was proper acting, not "comic book" acting, which I kinda found to be the case in Spiderman 1 with the Green Goblin [sorry Willem Dafoe...I love you really].

Gwyneth Paltrow was perfect as Pepper and there was the appropriate amount of chemistry between her and Robert JD to create a pleasant 'will they, 'won't they' scenario, but also to the extent so that the audience aren't too disappointed that we never see them actually get together. [there's still the second film]. She wasn't underwhelming as a comic-book girl, and she was able to play her part with confidence and competence. Plus her shoes were damn amazing.

Jeff Bridges really pulled Obidiah off. He was sinister, slightly dodgy from the start [imo], and he wasn't cheesy when he was big bad evil guy in a giganticus suit. He also didn't go over the top when he finally got killed.
He was the bad guy in a way that Willem Dafoe wasn't - he didn't seem to put on an odd voice when he was outwardly 'evil', and he was genuinely threatening. My Tall Lanky One can vouch for my whispering "run run run" at Pepper after she is caught by him in his office.

Terence Howard, who played Rhodes, didn't really do much, but what he did do was well played. The conversation between him and Stark which resulted in the "usual BS"ing was comic, but also you could feel poor Rhodes sense of conflict. The poor guy had to override his superiors without telling them why, and in the army/air force/whatever I guess that's kinda hard to do. x]


Other important stuff

The special effects were awesome. I loved the modernity of Starks equipment, and I'm sure everyone loves his robots. I was genuinely impressed with the fight scene between Obidiah and Stark, and the escape -from-the Taliban-look-a-likes scene.
I cringed when the paralysis device was used - either because of the high-pitch noise or because of the way people's veins became apparent on people's heads and they went blue. Not sure - and the flying scenes were seamless.

I'm having trouble to be picky with this film. Maybe I haven't got over the 'omigod that was brilliant' stage. I only saw it 14 hours ago, but whatever the reason, I don't feel this film needs to be picked apart for flaws. There were no ambiguities or mistakes in the plot, and the background story of Stark was consistent with the original comic.

I'll certainly be buying this, and I will let the cinemas tempt me to see the sequel.
I just hope they don't do a Spiderman 3 and ruin the other characters. >.<

Well today I had the exams on Emperors and Tragedies.

In the end, I did all but Claudius and Nero indepth, and nothing on the tragedies. And it's just as well, because the question on Nero was answerable because of my opposition table I did, and then the synoptic ""The Praetorian Guard and its commanders were the only important factor in influencing the maintenance of the emperor's power." How far do you agree with that statement" was perfect for the opposition, influence and personality charts I'd done for revision, meaning I was able to cross-reference all the emperors, even Gaius. And I knew the names of all the important commanders: Sejanus, Macro, Burrus, Tigellinus. I've just realised I meant to mention Rufus, but I forgot. Never mind.

The Tragedies, I honestly felt I needn't revise: mostly because the synoptic questions are a bit obscure. Todays were certainly tricky, but I think I gave it my best shot. It was easy to pick which of the two extracts to write about. The 15mark question on Oedipus was "How important was the audience's knowledge of the truth for the effectiveness of Oedipus the King?". Simple. Dramatic Irony, Morals and messages and scope for the playwrite to add tension with other devices, rather than focusing on making the plot clear.
The synoptic was a choice between the importance of Self-sacrifice in the three plays [I did this one], and to what extent the three plays had a sense of closure at the end.
I feel I might have been able to do the closure, but I didn't think I'd write enough. If it weren't a 40 mark essay, I might have attempted it. Seemed like a 15 mark question to me. >>

Ah well. I hope I got at least a B. An A would be lovely - I got a high A last year, and 84% in my coursework this year, so that'd be rather spiffy.


Starting tomorrow is my Milton/Rover/Mary&Edward revision.
I am focusing on Milton - that's the hardest exam I have to face this year. Perhaps even EVER. Seriously.
Teacher was a nice dude, but he had trouble keeping the class on track. And when he did, The Idiot One would distract it with a stupid comment or bring in the other 10 Books just because he's got an illustrated set - he hasn't read them, he's looked at the pictures =| - which we aren't supposed to know, or are expected to know, and it confused us all. Also wasted about 20 minutes of our already cut down lesson. Idiot.

Set my alarm for a killed 7.30 tomorrow. I've got into a bad bad BAD sleep cycle. Bed late, up late. I tried to get up at 8.45 this morning and it was hellish. I woke up in time for the exam at 13.30 though, so that was ok.
But next week, I have Edward and Mary at 9.15, so it's probably a good idea to be able to get up at 6.45 in order to get a bus.

Well, seems I'm a happy bunny this week, if I'm just going to write two happy happy blogs in a row.

I've been bleedin' busy this week, but strangely I don't mind. Probably be bored otherwise, or feeling guilty, or tonnes more worried about my exam than I am.

Tomorrow I have my Roman Emperor and Greek Tragedies exam. Fun!
Well. Sort of. Tiberius and Claudius have their moments I suppose, but there's not enough on Gaius *sob* and Nero only gets interesting after he murders his mother, so....

The Greek tragedies I've revised...not so much. I guess I feel I know them inside out. Themes are simple: Crime and Punishment, Riddles, Religion, Social Rules, Justice, Family life etc. Simple.

I've also played my fill of Oblivion for this week. =o I've completed the main quest for Shivering Isles, which was quite fun, except for one bloody annoying quest. I can't believe I have to put the thing I killed at the start back together again. Although, that's not quite true. I have a say in how he's designed.
Naturally, the end of the quest was easily predicted - much like all the quests really. I'm now top dog. A god! Even.

Today I played hostess and tea-lady. Lanky One - whom I'd not seen for nearly a week and believe me, I missed him a lot. ;_; - came and helped. He was wonderful.
And my gran's leg is...sort of getting better...I guess.

So everything's hunky dory.

Nice to see a comment on my last blog. I had an idea some people read these, but really, it made me smile to know that he liked it. o.o
Unlike my Old Best Friend and My Brother, I don't really go for statistics, and number of hits - they're youtubers; what do you expect? - so this took me by surprise.

I kinda wanted to tell a joke at the end of this, but I can't think of one.


Good luck to you peoples who have exams at the moment. =)

Had a really productive day today.

Yesterday I went to town with my mate Giggles. We only went in for about 2 hours - she had to get a lift back at 5.30, but that was ample. It was really nice. Walked about trying to buy The Olds a replacement cushion thing, but the shop had moved or shut down. =(
Then we sat outside on the Green. Had a merry giggle, and just chatted a lot.

When I got home, I felt guilty for only doing minimal revision in the last week, so I set up a strict revision timetable. Tis well cool. The timings are perhaps a bit unrealistic, I've come to realise, but it's nice to finish "early." Today, I planned to do revision of the Senate under each emperor - Tiberius through to Nero - from 11.00 till 1.00. I finished at 12.30 - having added extra revision of Tiberius, allowing me more revision time on Tragedies later in the week -, giving me a break from 12.30 till 2.30. Then I revised the Influence of Imperial women, Freedmen, Senate, Praetorian Guard and high-position leaders and the Army on the emperors. ^^ Finished an hour early. 3.30, instead of 4.30.

So that's cool.

Also sorted out my fan problem. My pc's graphics card fan is sooooooooo loud. Normally there's a light humming heard in the kitchen and the dining room, but it was bearable. But this was ridiculous. So I turned down the fan, but that's no good if I need to game, when it's advisable to have maximum cooling. So I've shoved the tower on a stool. Much better. Can have it on loud almost all the time now. x]

I've even done some housework. Gonna chill after 4. That's when I've left time every day - in the late afternoon when my brain's frazzled - to just chill and do what I like. ^^

But it feels good to have done all of that. I knew most of it, when I thought about it, but just doing active chart-drawing helped draw that to the surface. Roll on Thursday.

Lately I've been so fed up with the criticism and nagging of my friend for not staying out longer, or staying round someone's all night, or doing whatever everybloody else is doing, I decided to completely sit out the latest meet-up. Lanky One told them I was ill.
Well, if they read this, they can have a merry laugh or a bitch about me for lying. I hate lying like that, but honestly, it was easier than saying for the 50th time 'I'm going home at such and such a time' 'because...' or 'no, I can't come' or whatever. I can't seem to get my friends to understand that I actually don't always mind going home, and I don't want to p*ss The Olds off between now and September. I'm not the only one in the house - not fair on them if I come home at 7 in the morning, or at 3am.

Problem is, tonight's sounds fun. =/ Lanky One meant well by ringing, but now I know what I'm missing out on. Kinda. I was perfectly happy before he rang - Sorting out my pc, getting it up to speed etc. Then one tiny text sets the ball rolling. "Hi."
Maybe I shouldn't have texted back, I dunno.

For once it's just Lanky One, Almost-Cuddly One [demoted her], Italiano and Not-Racist One. The Dial-up duo aren't there. Which would have been fine, probably. Even with the Olds, who knows? No point in finding out, cause I'm sure she'd have said no if I'd expressed a wish to go to Not-Racist One's house for the night. My Old Best Friend thinks they're plebbish, common, etc. A waste of time - afterall, I'm not fully functional after only 6 hours sleep. Tonight sounds as though I'd be able to, maybe. Whilst she almost has a point, it doesn't stop me wanting to go sometimes. I fight my corner when I actually want to go, otherwise what's the point? If I'm not keen on staying up all night, or I don't feel I could handle the company for more than 7 hours, why should I persevere against The Olds's better wishes?

The Almost-Cuddly One is of the opinion that I should have more fun. Go out more. Get a job so I have more money to go out more to have more fun. Perfect.
Well, if she's always bloody going on about it, she's sucking the fun out of the time I do spend going out. I'm starting to avoid her, and the others. When I go out, it's fine, but if she thinks of a last-minute plan to go round her house to get p*ssed - she lives further out of the way than I do - and I decline, she gets annoyed. I noticed in a thread on facebook though, that she didn't complain when Italiano declined her last-minute invitation yesterday for us all to go to hers yesterday evening.
Apparently because I'm either busy or particularly broke or just not able to stay out as long whenever she decides to tell me to come out with her, I warrant nagging and constant attitude.

Italiano and Not-Racist and Lanky Ones all just accept it if I can't come or can't stay out for whatever reason. Why can't the others? PARTICULARLY Almost-Cuddly One. I love her, and she was a good friend until recently, but honestly. Now I'm not sure she likes me, just wants someone extra to keep the party going or something.


Heh. That's my moan. And all because I'm fed up tonight now that Lanky One's rung me. He put me on to Cuddly One and Italiano. >.< Cuddly One asked how I was - and I said I was feeling better, which is now far from the truth. I feel shizzle now - then joked about me coming to Not-Racist's house. If I'm supposedly ill, is joking about me going out really gonna make me feel better? I dunno. She can't seem to get it off her mind. Almost one-track-minded where I'm concerned: Get Maus Out of the House.


At least with my exams coming up, I've got a real excuse for not coming out with people who don't accept me for what and who I am.
I don't think they realise how lonely I get. If they just. Let me be - let me come and go as I please: I am my own agent, afterall - if they'd just. Shut up about how often and "how little fun" I have, then maybe I would want to be around them more, and maybe I wouldn't have to avoid them like this, possibly missing out on some hours of socialising. Right now I am feeling the crappest I've been in a while. Great. Bloody great.

I've just thought 'hm. I should really keep my reviews. They might be useful to me later.' so I thought, why not create a list of my reviews. Except there's a word limit, so I can't.
So I have to blog them instead.



Sweeney Todd: Demon Barber of Fleet Str.

I really liked Sweeney Todd. I'd give it at least 4 stars. Maybe 5...but not with the background.

I am in agreement with Tim Burton [read an interview thing] and I don't think that 18 was a fair rating. 15, maybe, but not 18. The censors were a bit OTT on that point; the blood effects weren't actually that bad - the most gruesome bit was the first killing, and I enjoyed that simply cause I hate the actor x]

Johnny Depp of course made Todd his own - he and Helena Bonham Carter make a lovely duet - and both do the whole psychopath look and attitude brilliantly. The casting was perfect. Everyone kept their cockney accents going throughout, which is what I love about Tim Burton films: they're not necessarily full of American accents.

The film is totally dark, like most TB films, but not only in content, but the setting. I don't think they know what sunshine is in London. Although I guess it was during the Smog years. The costumes were in keeping with the period, and the hair was fabulous. Helena BC's hair was big and crazy, whilst I thought Sweeney's streak of white was a nice touch. The makeup made the film a lot darker and more to suit Burton's love for macabre, and the lighting, when there was some, was diffused to emphasise the fantasy of the scene - [it was all really in Mrs Lovett's head.]

The scripting was very good - full of dark humour and the lyrics of the songs in particular were either taking the mickey, sinister or just...strange. 0.o The soundtrack was very good - it's haunting, and when you're watching it, you'd think it'd be catchy, but it actually is hard to recall, which is clever, since now I want to watch it again just to refresh my memory a little. I also think they sing just the one tune throughout, just that it's in a different key and tempo depending on what the song is. I have one version in particular in my head....bit annoying as I liked 'worst pies in London' best.

The ending I thought was perfect; I found I didn't really care what happened to any of the other characters, and it was touching in a very bloody way.

But yes. I'll be buying it. I want the box, certainly.

What's up with the weather?

Supposed to rain, so it's sunny and hot, then it totally lets rip, chucking it down and windy. =(

Bit bored I guess. Tidying up yesterday went so well!

Until I erm. Finished cleaning.  Now my stuff's all where it was before. Still have to actually tidy the room.

I plan to do a timeline of Edward and Mary by tomorrow....shouldn't take -that- long. Just a graph thing. Year, event, people involved. Sorted.

Course, Classics is more important at the moment - I have the damn exam on Thursday 5th. Fun. Starts at 1.45, don't get out till about 5.15. I'll have just missed a bus. =( Might not get home till about 6.30, just in time for tea. x]

Don't forget to hold your mouse over the image. It has an extra caption - I thought it appropriate.

I've been blogging a lot lately, and I'm wondering why. Maybe it's  because I find it easier to vent my feeling through writing. Or maybe it's attention-seeking. Nah. I don't think so. It was a hidden blog for two years. Then I decided to let people read it. What the hell - basically.

I rant, and I write poems - not so much lately - and I just talk nonsense. Or I try to put deeper thoughts into words. THAT's actually harder than it sounds.

Today I'm just bored, and trying to find something to do. I could do my revision, but I'm being interrrupted every 10 minutes, so that's a bit pointless. So far today, I've showered, eaten and done dishes. Oh and watched very sweet pheasant chicks with their mum.
Very sweet. Until you realise who their father is, then you want to wring their necks to stop them from becomming fat and annoying. He is the most annoying wild animal I've come across. And he's bloody HUGE. No kidding. Almost turkey sized.

I categorised this as 'Organisations' when actually, it's the organisation of my room.

My room's untidy. Perpetually. But at least I know it is. Not just cause people nag me to tidy it up, but cause I'm not delusional about my state of tidiness.

I've a somewhat peculiar way of tidying my room. Today, I was doing it systematically.... I sorted out all the paper I've used this year and bunged them into subject piles - English, History and Classics, then a fourth for my packs and books.
I really don't want to have to split each pile into separate ones for each module T_T That's gonna suck, frankly.

I then realised that from ripping out paper from my pad, I've left bits all over the floor....so I piled that into a pile, along with bits of fluff and other stuff - clothes sticker and such - on the floor in the middle. Then I bunged EVERYTHING I can't vacuume onto my bed. =D
As you can see with the images. x]
Pre-vacuum bed.
Post-vacuum carpet. \o/

Of course now my carpet's lovely and clean.

I just have to sort out my desk - been on my laptop for the last few weeks cause my pc blew up again. I've ordered the parts now so I can get rid of this laptop next Monday. =D

Then it'll be heavy revision, with gaps of heavy-oblivioning. I just hope I have a backup of my game saves. Otherwise I will actually die of a broken heart. Over a year's worth, and I'd have to do it all again, just to get to where I had been. >> I'm all for clean starts, but not half-way through a really exciting quest. I like to do it when I want to, not when my pc decides, you know?

I should stop procrastinating and put stuff away, really. >>

SPOILER ALERT


Fecking aliens in Indiana Jones 4. Supernatural happenings is normal for Indie. Grail, Ark, Glowey Rocks in India. But honestly. There was even a friggin' space ship under Machu Pichu. =|

Kinda spoiled it for me, cause over all there were hints of the previous films which was nice.


Day was alright. Except for a small case of 'gawd, that Maus is so stingy' and 'gawd why doesn't she ever stay out for more than a few hours?' 'why can't she join in for once?' =/ Frankly Cuddly One can shove that up her arse. I'm tired of it to be honest.

Is it wrong for me to want to save a bit of money for my computer? Is it wrong for me to want to keep my grandparents happy between now and September? Is it wrong for me to want to go home a little early than the others for once? Instead of staying out till god-knows what time as per usual?

Heh.

Lanky One made me feel better. He didn't really want to go to Cuddly One's house because he felt guilty giving his grandparents short notice. So he came home with me on the bus. It was nice talking to him alone for a bit. I go a bit mute with the others around now. Cause anything I say pisses them off. =/ Yesterday she attacked me for putting historical reference on these bronze flowers in the pavement in town. Telling me to stop thinking about money, that not everything is about how much money you have. =/ I was just commenting how debasement wasn't really necessary in the area if they'd just turned them into coins. It was a great deal of money in the 1600s.
Heh.

She doesn't seem to like me much anymore anyway. I don't particularly care anymore either. =D So it works out.

I might still go to the ball. My mate Giggles [I love her laugh] isn't part of teh group - she's in my English and History classes, and I've hung round with her friends quite a lot, and she's a laugh. She wants me to go. Which is really nice of her. So I might. I'm not paying. Shame Lanky One can't go. Just needs a shirt and trousers. =/ but he probably won't have the £23 by the end of June. ._.

I can't tell you how relieved I am to have the week off. I've been SO tired. I can't seem to sleep through the night properly. Going to college - often for no reason - has been torture. Takes an hour to get in and so on.

I'm ordering my pc parts tonight. >> Paying £67 myself, but fortunately, The Olds are paying £80.
I'm a bit nervous....don't want to order stuff that won't fit my case, you know? Still. I can -sort- of blame Lanky One. "You said it would!" =P

Watching Indiana Jones and the Raides of the Lost Ark atm. Bit difficult typing and concentrating. It's all go, afterall.

I sometimes have wondered 'what is the point in anything?'. 'How do we decide what to do with our lives?'. 'How do we know if we're ever truly happy?'.

Deep questions maybe...

I am reaching the last day of my life at sixth form college. Two long years. I've 'loved' and been rejected, I've 'not-loved' but still ended up loving [the year with the Lanky One is still great for me. <3]
Still. Even though I'm happy with him and such, I can't help wondering if he's the one, or if someone else is out there. We're WAY too young to think about 'the one' perhaps. But I see people cheating on their partners, leaving their spouses for another, you read about the crazy things separated people do to the offending 'other half', and I think 'how can you know? How can you possibly know?'.

My grandmother says you don't know love, real love, until you've lost it, and can't get it back. Sounds rather bleak to me. Still, I'm a semi-bleak person. Sunny on the exterior, but I do get these deep thoughts in the shadowy part of me.

Working on my revision notes for a retake, I marvel at how in class, I can barely scrape Bs, where once I was achieving As and A*s in GCSE. True, I failed to get the A* I was dreaming of for History - only a B - but I know I'm crap at exams. My technique has improved a LOT since then.

I've so far got 2 As and a C in my history modules - just retaken my C, and I hope to get an A, or a B. But I work so hard for those As, hell, even for my Bs. Then I look about me, and find smug arses like The Idiot One, not doing the mock essays, the homework for whatever reason (usually "I was working." Hah. He stacks shelves and can't spare one hour to write an essay? Something I struggled on? And he still gets an effing A at the end of the year.)
I don't understand why people who put no effort in, despite their rather brilliant capabilities, still get the achivements or even surpass the achievements of those that put their heart into their work.

I've been averaging at 22-3 out of 30 in my English esssays, but I'm still worried. I struggled, and I didn't quite do it to time. Even though I got 25 for each of my exam-condition mocks, I'm still worried. Particularly in my Milton half. I need that B. I got a B in the mock essay, but again, I looked for quotes in the book - something you can't do in the exam - and I didn't do it in the prescribed hour time limit.
The Idiot One, and the other boys in my class, however, didn't do the essay. The few that did all got B or above, but I can't help but feel as though my efforts are wasted because someone else, with no effort at all will simply do better than me. Perhaps even in life. He may be ignorant of the way the world works, naive, even racist and sexist, as well as homophobic, but I have the feeling he'll  get the job, house etc that he wants.

I can only hope that happiness is more important than these slightly more materialistic things. Jane Austen always says love is important in life. However "take aim to fall in love with someone rich". Money's a big factor in the world today. Without money, life is harder than is necessary in this country.

I feel I've chosen my vocation for the future. I can always change my mind, right? History Degrees open almost unlimited doors. I could go into journalism, or work for the BBC like the Family-friend Producer. [he's a producer for the BBC].
I've decided that children are important for me. I'm a very maternal person; always have been. I desperately want some of my own. Just two will do. Or even one if I must. I'd rather have them before the age of 25 [the first one anyway], because I don't want to be an older parent, like so many now a-days. I'd happily put my career on hold. I think women who get pregnant, but want a career so don't stay at home with the child are horrible. Really. The child needs love, not a nanny. You get stable children by taking the first 2 years or so off work. You can work part-time as well.

It won't be a huge problem for me; I'll be a teacher. Not interested in being Head Mistress - you can't teach children through other people - and I like the idea of being able to help mould someone's life, to awake within them their talents and so on. I got my inspiration from my teachers - they were good. My history teacher - I had him consecutively for 5 years - was wonderful. He was passionate about his subject, enjoyed his job and he really fed my interest.
My primary school teacher was wonderful as well. As was my music teacher at my secondary school. All enthusiastic, all liking their jobs. The pay's -ok- not brilliant, and there were politics behind the music department and the school board - funding mostly - but I really felt as though it was what I wanted to do. I had good teachers to use as role-models, and I like children just as much.

I want to be a Primary School teacher, because I prefer younger children, but I'd be happy in a secondary school.

Through it all though, I wonder what it's all for. Why are we bothering. I'm not religious - There's nothing after death. We're just killing ourselves to stay alive.
I can enjoy myself. I can achieve things, but for what? Why?
What if I end up alone? What if something bad happens, and I lose the one person I care about? There is so much uncertainty, that I can't help but wonder about the infinite possibilities. What if, when I finally decide to lose my virginity, I end up pregnant through some freak case of 2 lots of contraception not working? Would that end my life? People disapprove of girls my age getting pregnant, because it means their lives are over. I can't believe that. If that were the case, then teen mothers would often only have one child as a teen, not - as is more frequent - every year or so.
I couldn't have an abortion. I just don't feel I could go through with getting rid of something I want so much in the future. Partly for the reason that I might not get another opportunity, but partly because I'd feel it was wrong. It's my baby. I'm not into the whole 'NO abortion full stop' argument. Option should be available. But I personally couldn't go through with it.

I don't know if with these questions, I can ever be truly happy. I'll always be wondering what else is there. Perhaps that is the ultimate flaw in mankind: the infidels that leave their partners for other people are doing the same. Wondering if there's something else, something better. If the person they're with is not 'the one'. I'm not even considering cheating on the Lanky One. I couldn't. I care about him too much, and he makes me happy.
I know it can't last. Or maybe I'm being overly-practical. Maybe it could last. Who knows? No one can predict the future. I can't even imagine the next 3 months.

How can anyone really be sure of anything?

Procrastination efforts :3




415453% Geek


67%
Seems that Shawn of the Dead hasn't helped me much.
146,665 People
The cool thing about that list was that I knew who William de la Pole was. History ftw.

2,067,240How Many Germs Live On Your Keyboard?that one was kinda gross >>


43%

God. Allah. G-d. Vishnu, Shiva, Zeus. Jupiter. Demeter.

All a load of nonsense to explain the occurance of inexplicable things.

-Some- people argue I've lost 'site' [yes, SITE] of God. How can I if I never was in it's sight to begin with? I never believed in that nonsense, not even at primary school.

I went to a Church of England School. Nearest one, really. Still 5 miles away. From an early age I found the biblical stories boring, the vicar annoying and praying a waste of time. I wanted to do other things. Only thing I appreciated were the religious songs, which were rather pretty and I like singing. Later we had this fantastic teacher that gave us fun songs to sing that were modern and upbeat and had a thin layer of religious meaning.

As I got older, I found religion a silly business. Worshipping some invisible person without any indication of whether it's worth it. All the separate stories and theories behind religious texts were contradictory and couldn't agree. Except that there was a higher being.

I'm now just angry and incredulous.
How can people honestly argue that you will go to hell if you don't believe in a god? Or the wrong one? Supposedly, he's all merciful, in which case he'll forgive your small oversight. =/

This all comes during a time when religious fundamentalists are going as far as to blow themselves up to be heard. What kind of god makes you sacrifice yourself and kill innocents to get to heaven? How stupid! And cruel.

Not just muslims are over-zealous now.

Zealous comes from the word Zealot, which is an old Jewish sect. Convenient no? Even in 60AD, Jews, Zealots in particular, were picking fights with Greeks and other multi-theistic people. Caused a lot of problems for Claudius and Nero.

Someone started a thread on my local forum celebrating the 60 year anniversary of Israel. Of course this opened the religious can of worms. One particular Chunky person appears to either be stirring/inciting religious intolerance or is simply a spammy git, and is insulting everyone that isn't Jewish.

Israel. Home of Jewish myth.
Apparently where Soleiman's skeleton is buried. That's fine. Possibly true. But really, why would God make ISRAEL of all places a promised land? No oil, no grass....it's a horrible dusty country. Hardly like Eden.
Besides, true Orthodox Jews [spoken to some about this at the latest Anti-war demo in London so this first hand] believe that the Promised Land is after death, so Israel can't possibly be it, and all this displacement of indiginous people was wasted. That and Britain had no right, NO RIGHT to create a state where people were living already. Add another tally mark to the numerous atrocities committed by our glorious mother country.

Do the Jewish have more right to a chunk of Earth than other people? Do they have the right to allow others to go homeless because they were so over-mighty during even the BC ages that they were disliked from the start and so needed to be dumped somewhere?

Don't worry this isn't anti-semitic, this post. It's anti-religion. Each religion will have a stab in turn.


Christians. One god - either 3 people in one, or 3 separate entities as one. Confused? So is most of the christian population I bet. How the fudge can God be 3 things at once? I know he's supposed to be omni-everything, but that's just stupid.
And chucking mankind out of paradise for eating an apple? How stupid is that. He punishes the snake for it as well, despite Satan apparently possessing it, which in the technical meaning of possession suggests poor snakey wasn't in control of that matter.

If Jesus died for our sins, then why do Roman Catholics still have to say 40 hail marys when they've sinned, pray for souls in purgatory and all that nonsense? Surely Jesus having been means all souls after him go straight to heaven no matter what?
How did Jesus travel all the places he did on foot, in such a short time? And as for rising again. Does that make him a zombie?
Christianity is a little brutal though. They're worshipping a crucified man! And they stoned people [women] for doing unspeakable things...such as getting preggers before marriage. [Mary - aka Maryam - was lucky to be believed]. They were just as violent to the Romans as the Romans were to them. No matter what that cartoon series on Sundays told me.

I love how the western world are worried about Islam spreading and taking over. "Muslims are trying to convert Britain!" Well isn't that what a FUDGE-load of Christians have been doing since the start of it? Missionaries in Africa, India, all over the ex-empire, even today. Evangelicals from America preaching in town...it's all the same thing! Trying to convert.
Aborigones were apparently evil, godless people, without laws, morals or values, because they had no religion of any kind. Therefore they were enslaved, foreced to marry 'good, decent' english people, and were separated from their families. Forced to evolve before their time. Just like the Africans. Who had their own religions and supersticions thanks-very-much.

Islam has it's own strange incoherant behaviours though. We all know about the crazy fundamentalists. But what about the peaceful ones? Why on earth do you need to worship 5 times a day? I just don't get it. And facing Mecca too, just because some guy apparently flew on a donkey and climbed a ladder all in one night. [yeah right]
Why would a loving god force a man to sacrifice his own son? That's evil! The emotional torture that that man would have gone through. He was clearly just murderous.
Why must women wear all that stupid head gear, when it's men who can't control themselves? Anyway, the moderately clingy clothes leave the body to the delicious imagination, which would arguably fuel their lust. Along with the gorgeous eyes peeking out of the veils.
How can they be sure that their god is the right god anyway? Islam stemmed from some psycho version of Christianity which stemmed from Judaism. Surely then, Judaism is the correct religion?


*sigh* all this is really crazy. I prefer Buddhism as a religion. Not a god they're worshipping, but a real guy. Overall a more friendly religion as well. [except the warrior Buddhists]. Hinduism and Sikhism is very colourful though. Lovely. But each have their faults.

Every religion has a fault.

Some would say that atheism is a religion, and I can see the reasoning behind it, but I prefer it to other religions. I'd rather spend my life doing what I please than following some stupid rules for something that might or might not be in existance. I believe that when we're dead, that's it. Nada. Nothing. You don't feel, see or do anything. You don't have a soul, only a sole and that's on your shoe or your foot.

Religion is a way of explaining unexplained things. Also a way of tricking vulnerable people into paying money, conforming and behaving themselves according to some higher-up's conventions. Usually Man's. Which, ladies, we know is a BAD idea. =P

In the words of The Tall Lanky One's favouritist band in the whole wide world: "religion is just synthetic frippery, unnecessary in our expanding global cultural efficiency" afterall, " What pretension; Everlasting peace. Everything must cease."


Long ranty anti-religious blog there, but some events today have made me boil over and I felt I should scrap the surface of my feelings on the subject to prevent me overflowing.
I could probably be done for religious intolerance, inciting religious hatred and "racisim" [hah, as though religious groups were 'races'.] but I don't care. I have a right to free speech, this is my blog, and I shall write what I want.