Wow. Not written in this for a while. Quick update: Omigod Lanky One came for a long weekend and that was gooooooooooood <3, and jesus christ I have been ON THE BALL with my essays. 9000something words for Week 10? Get over 5000 of those *finished* by week 7, and have a good 1500 done by week 8, leaving me week 8, 9 and 10 to do 2500 words, 1000 of which is on the essay I've already started. I can coast it to the end of term. Yer.

Yesterday was a great day. Sure, my flatmates are complete arseholes, some of them, with the monumental noise they make after midnight (Hairdriers at full blast for three hours; random cackling, banging and loud talking in Czech on the phone; door banging, laughing with girlfriend(?) and general stupidity at 3am) and I'm severely lacking sleep and freshness in the facial department - Those shadows are going to take some shifting - but yesterday was great.

I and the General Secretary of the History Society led an expedition to Carlisle, to see the museum exhibition on Henry VIII that Starkey curated. It was wet, cold and very windy. We thought (a little foolishly, in the end) to do the Castle in Carlisle first, before it rained, and then to have lunch. We did that, and the Castle, unless you're horribly into Military Museums you've seen 100x before, surrounded by an old building which honestly is the least exciting and furnashed building owned by The English Heritage, was pretty abysmal. In my opinion. Then we had a massive meal (quite reasonably priced, too) at the Cathedral cafe, followed by visiting said Cathedral which is gorgeous. Really is. We got a bit mesmerised by this fantastic choir rehearsing though, and stayed far too long.

Then we went on to the museum. Got there at about 2.57. Went to the 3pm 'Meet Henry VIII' performance, which was fantastic. A spitting-image actor played Henry VIII (when he was older and fat) who recounted from first person his life from 10 to his death. It was pretty standard, though some detail I didn't know about, which is always fun, and he was sooooo into his character, that you could almost believe that Henry VIII would have had a Lancashire Accent.
Check out his pictures on his (poorly designed) website: Henry Tudor
Bet you'd never thought you'd see Henry VIII on a moped, did you? (Jousting is so passée)
Unfortunately, he finished at 3.55, and the Museum stupidly closes at 4pm. So we didn't actually see the rest of the museum, which looked really really good. The Museum and the shops are an excuse for my friend and I to go back though, so I definitely will. It's quite a nice day-trip place, Carlisle.


I had a superbly weird dream this morning though.



Then my flatmate slammed the front door, and I woke up. But that was bizarre~ I could feel everything, too. It was very vivid. I could feel my body crying, though for once with this sort of tearful dream, I didn't actually wake up crying. Perhaps my conscious knew my subconscious was being a little bit weird.

I decided to leave a poem for The Boyfriend to find when he gets back from where ever he is at the moment (some house party or other, though it's possible he's hit his local club instead cause the party seemed dire from the way he described it).

I really really really wanted to do something short, sweet and daft, as I did on his postcard:

Blueberries are blue,
Redcucrrents are red,
I don't get to see you:
So I'm writing, instead!

Easy peasy.

However I couldn't think of any rhyme scheme, poem form or anything, so I decided to aim for serious, and to see what happens Good times.
Anyway, I ended up unable to really maintain it, so I resulted in a half-serious, half-hearted-half comedy poem.


Amidst the low hum, and soft light,
I sit in my computer chair, this night.

I try to think of the things I want to say.
how I feel, how I think, what I'd pray;
(If I were religious, or spiritual in any way)

I miss you with all my might,
During the warmer days,
The colder night,
I wish I could see you always.

Life is short, I know it so,
and we have far of it left to go,
before we can live, the way we please
in your arms, in my arms, not on our knees.

I wrote this poem, in an attempt to touch
however I think I tried to rhyme, too much.


 It's a shame I can't see his face when he reads it. I'd like to know his immediate reaction, really.
I've posted it on the forum I frequent, and two people seem to like it, for different reasons, so I'll just assume he either smiles, wells up, or puts on his 'what in the flying hell?" face.

You are all such a wonderful audience. I may have to dedicate an awful poem to you sometime!

The title says it all, really. The Maus is bored. So bored that she's going to update her blog page with some random drivel.

I could probably update you on the marvy purchases I made in the last few weeks (a new pair of jeans, two suitcases, tights, underwear, two classical cds, dvds, tweezers, a nail buffer and nail varnish. Ooo! And a gorgeous handbag), or I could try to convince you all to watch the rather fabby anime series I've been watching; Baccano!, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood and (it's got a great theme tune) Umineko.
I order you to check them out! Seriously.

I've just realised that I don't really tell much about myself. I mean, there've been some very personal blogs in the past, and I've probably come across as brash, in the words of some ''bitchy'' and perhaps rather depressed. However you'd read and interpreted it, really. However talking to people I've spoken to for years, I've kinda realised that I don't let a lot of myself show. Not the basic facts and details of who I am, just a few random snippets of emotions, if I'm having a particularly fiery moment.

Well. I'll enlighten some those of you who actually care.

Basics:

5 foot 4 (ish), blonde hair, blue eyes, medium-pale complexion and (apparently) adorable dimples when I smile.
I'm size 10 and have an hour glass body shape. Actually. Ignore that, that's as unnecessary as my shoe size. (5 and a half)
My marital status is that of 'In a Relationship'. I find it hard to believe it's already been well over 2 years. It all passed by so quickly.

I currently attend Lancaster University. There are probably many girls that look like me, so I won't worry about stalkers or murderers trying to find me. I study History, and I specialise in pre-1700 cultures, though I *am* going to do a course on Imperial India up to the Partition. Just what I need to get my blood boiling once more at the arrogance and cruelty of our forefathers.

Apart from history, I enjoy music very much. I play the saxophone (not in a while though, I've just realised. Woops) and have accomplished a good grade 6, whilst having picked up grade 3 acoustic guitar, and being quite experienced in using my voice for musical uses rather than debating in various choirs. My preferred genres are Ska and Cabaret, though I generally listen to anything - except heavy metal/screamo. I'm sorry, but I have to draw the line there. I try not to be musically snobby, but that is NOISE, not music.

I'm a bookworm, too. I'm currently in trouble because my room is untidy. Part of the problem there is the number of books I have forced into the limited space of my bookshelf. Hardly my fault, since a lot of those non-fitting books were bought for me!

I'm quite a friendly soul, really. I believe very strongly in giving everyone a fair chance when I meet them. I know what it's like to receive the opposite treatment. I've been called ''quirky'' and ''cute'' a lot though, especially when I speak in a certain frame of mind, so I guess I must be doing something right. Can be called ''obsessive'' or ''passionate'' (prefer that one) though, too, by the same people, if I've become upset or angry about something or other that's going on in the world. Yes, you evil human beings, I DO take issue with what you're doing!


I'll let you in on a secret: I'm actually more terrified of going back to uni this year than I was at the prospect of starting it last year. I guess it's because I know how bad it can be. Still, I actually know people this time round, and I have sort of mentally prepared myself for the worst case scenario flat-mate-wise... I know how bad certain types of people can be through others' experiences, so I'm not expecting much in the way of brilliance.

The work load though is something I just can't prepare myself for, no matter how I try. It's actually rather scary. I just hope that I love the courses; I know I will at least 2 of them, but one or two are either unfamiliar in format, or the content sounds incredibly dull, as written by the lead lecturer.

I'm still waiting on my deposit from my college, for my room. I'd really like to know how much they've taken from me, and for what. As is annoyingly normal for my college though, there's been a massive delay because of technical difficulties and new systems which means that the old finances haven't been transferred yet. Lame excuse, but there you go. It's the same every time money transactions are taking place. Or supposed to.

I've not written in this in months. Well mostly because stuff that's happened is really unwriteable. Apparently that's not a real word. Well now it is.

I'm at uni, and I've settled in, and I'm incredibly fed up. I'm just tired, probably, and the whole constant panicking about getting all the work done on time is taking it's toll. I spent the last three days doing nothing; I handed in my first essay before the deadline, so I spent the rest of my time planning my next three essays which must be started more or less immediately, and then watching Buffy series 1, parts of 2, 6 and 7. Whilst I didn't watch every single episode (I'm very emotional so I skipped the ones I knew would make me cry for weeks) I still feel this weird sense of loss at the end of episode 22 of Series 7, where it's blatantly obvious that Buffy is completely finished and anyone who watches "series 8" is a complete loser and traitor.


So yeah. I've just confirmed I'm the biggest geek in the room.

I've made a couple of friends, and I get on with some of my flatmates. Can't really get on with the chinese girls - they speak little to no english. And they are damn annoying - stealing my fridge space and turning the oven off when I'm trying to cook my food. I also resent their slamming of doors in the early hours, though it's worse when the two I DO get on with just across the halls do it at 6am. (I wasn't a happy bunny).

I've got another 25minutes before I have to go to my lecture, so I'm here, writing this. I don't know why I bothered - I guess I needed something to do. I've kept up my photoshopping, though bad mood = bad stuff. So when I'm in a good mood, I make near decent stuff. Although I do like my latest, which is number 2 on the photoshopped album.

My computer is a pain in the ass though. Really. The HD decided to be umountable about a week before my deadline, so I had it checked to see if it was completely corrupt or whether it's just a one off (still under warranty) and fortunately it was a one off. Then after my deadline, my keyboard broke, so I had to buy a new one. Yay. I LOVE spending money on this thing. >=/

Well. I need to do a shop today. I'm almost out of bread, loo roll, squash (I miss juice =[ ) and I need chips or something to go with my chicken which is all I'm having for the next two weeks, barring the occasional pasta dish I'll be making. Yum. So I should do that after my incredibly boring lecture on metaphysical poetry. Which I need to do reading for. Crap.

I've finally finished sixth form college. I've got my results - a brilliant A in history and a near miss B in Classics [near miss off an A =(] and a steady B in English, despite my fears that my coursework and Milton paper would drag me down. My crap teacher gets to teach another year. ¬¬

I've had mixed emotions. I wasn't too nervous about my results - well English I was, but I was pretty confident with History. I never thought I'd get full marks in 2 papers though. That was a shock. For which I got £10. Yay.  Kinda an anti climax since I got money for each individual grade for GCSE back in the days when I didn't need any money....
Oh well. Logic doesn't work with economic crises. Right?

Now I'm just finishing off all the loose ends at home. I've just to open a new building society account so I can easily transfer money in and out of it, sort out how I'm fitting my stuff into the car and when I've got to go. I'm pretty much sorted, which seems rather scary.

I'm going to Lancaster - which I'm pleased about, since it's my first choice. Lanky One pulled through as well - I told him he would - and is going to bloody Bournemouth. =P That's a bit of a long way away.
Which leads to stress on my part. We can work it for a while, I'm sure, but I don't want to drag it out to a sticky ending. We've promised to stay friends whatever happens though. Yay. ^_^


Had a weird day yesterday. Tears all morning, then on facebook an old friend - he went to primary and secondary school with me till he moved away - started talking to me, and now somehow, he's coming to mine on Wednesday. Just a bit whirlwind-like, but it can't hurt.
Actually. Yes. It DOES hurt. Cause even though I had a massive tidy up before Egypt, I've got to tidy up again. >.< It's not as bad as it was - I just need to put away some papers in appropriate places [official stuffs mostly >>] and put away my dvds and clothes. Woot!

You know that feeling, where you move around without actually thinking about anything, or you are, just don't remember doing it exactly - as though you're not actually there, or you're watching yourself do it?

I've had quite a few of these moments. For instance JUST as I typed this, I remembered I was asked to put the heating on half an hour ago >> whoops.

In the last few days, I've applied for accommodation at university, upgraded my bank account to a university one, and I've heard tell of things people have been saying/bitching about.

Accommodation applications are a little scary, but kinda exciting. I've opted for the quieter area of my particular colleges, and made sure it's an ensuite room, cause I'm NOT sharing a bathroom x] It's also not a single-sex dorm, which could be fun - more fun having mixed company than sharing with a group of catty girls. Or overly girly girls. Who knows? I think I'd miss male company for sanity, or to give me something nice to moan about - mere laziness with dishes rather than something they're saying. *shrugs* I'm a happy person, aren't I?

My account up grade's kinda cool though - free rail pass which also gives discounts in shops,  and a free webcam. \o/ Which will be handy.
Only thing that annoyed me about the whole thing is that they asked which month and year I'm graduating. I don't know the month, do I? =/

It's odd - when I'm at home, all I can think about is how angry I am at certain people - let's just say their bitching got back to me, as they should have known it would - but when I'm with people, or out, I completely forget. Guess I'm a little bored at home, but fortunately, I'm trying to squeeze out as many outings of my bus pass as I can before it expires on the 22nd. Lame~  Don't want it to ;_; Bus fares are horribly expensive.
Might have to go to my savings account to withdraw, say, £30 for bus fares alone >>
Make sure I don't spend it on anything else. I'd have to ask for it to be all in fivers. Although, really, it's still not enough, possibly. Crap.

You know, for just £3.80, I can go to the next stop down the road and back? It's not even 3 miles there. Only reason it's over 90p, is that it's over the county border. How sad is that?
People want us to use buses more, but really, it's cheaper to go by car - even with the insane oil prices!

I'm nearing the date I'm going on holiday to Egypt, which itself signals a nearing to the 14th August, when I get the results of my Alevels, which determine pretty much a large piece of my future.
University years are damn important right? Most of my adult friends are really only friends with people they've met at uni, rather than people from before - unless, unlike my friends, they're incredibly close.

I was longing to go to university a few months ago. I wanted to get away from here, from people I knew, to get away from the nagging, to be able to be myself. As it draws nearer though, I find I'm clinging more to what I want and have now: I don't want to leave my home, the places I know, or my boyfriend. I never liked big changes - I guess the major changes that affected my life when I was little scarred me, so now I hate all changes.

It's not quite like a sudden change in hair style - I've had that. But it grew back fairly quickly, and I could switch back to a decent hair style. [hint to the wise: don't go to cheap hair dressers where the woman cutting your hair has fake nails, fake tan, fake hair colour and blatantly obvious glue chunks in her extensions.]

Moving house isn't so bad - I've done it before. A lot. I even moved country. I can handle it, and I can adapt quite quickly. I guess I'll just miss being able to see certain people when I want, or the annoying way my brother walks in and out of my room, or the way people cuddle me when I'm just standing there.
I'll probably not miss sharing the bathroom with Grandad though! Oh no. But that'll mostly be because I'm probably not having an en suit. Well. I might. See what's available after the 14th.

A lot of it's kinda scary cause I don't know what to expect. I've seen the two universities I've applied to - I know what the rooms are like, what the buildings are like, and I can even sort of remember where some places are. Student unions, the history building, main hall etc.
I just don't know what sort of routine I'll have. Or what kind of lessons/lectures I'll have. How much of a work load I'll have, where I'll find a part-time job, what sort of people I'll meet, whether I'll make any good friends at all [especially since I've shut down away from people in general lately], or whether I'll even get noticed at all. I'm used, almost, being ignored, or misunderstood, or just disliked for stupid reasons, but it's damn lonely sometimes, when I get round to thinking about it.

I guess I don't like thinking about the future at all - I have plans, sure, but the immediate future is less easy to imagine than it is say, 5 or 6 years down the line. I can imagine, almost, graduating in 3 or so year's time. I can imagine having a baby, even for christ's sake, but I can't imagine my uni years at all, or what will happen during that time.
All I know for certain is who I'll be emailing all the time, and who I won't!

Everyone  has regrets, right?
Wish they'd done something differently, went somewhere else, said something cleverer, etc.

I have quite a few regrets in my life. My latest two are that I didn't hear about Amanda Palmer's show at the ICA in August sooner - I really wanted to go last night, when I heard, and even planned the journey and money. The tickets were completely sold out. 
I also partly regret that I didn't go to the leaver's ball. I didn't want to go - at least, that's what I told myself. I didn't earlier, anyway. But I guess it would have been nice, but probably wouldn't have been as good cause Lanky One wouldn't have gone, and I'd be stuck with a few people I'm on edge with atm. Not a big deal - I'll do something else, and it'll be just as good. =) Besides. He promised he'd one day get a suit and learn to do proper dancing, like a foxtrot or something. [yeah right, but it's sweet that he said that.]

I've had small regrets - such as wishing I'd said something that I was thinking, instead of staying quiet, or staying quiet. Being less careless, all sorts of small things that don't affect my life in a big way, really.

Also have bigger ones - I regret my behaviour when I was 5 and 6. In all fairness, it wasn't my fault: I didn't know any better. I was beastly as a child, cause my parents divorced and my lazy bum of a father spoilt me, and I ran to him when my mother [quite rightly] had disciplined me. I missed him - didn't know what a waster he was.
I also regret not getting to say goodbye to my mum. But that's not my fault either - she'd have wanted me to be at my brother's birthday party, having fun. Didn't stop me feeling so damn awful though.

I also regret eating that extra sandwich, then topping it with too much Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream. That was not a good thing to do.

I know Lanky One has one or two regrets. x] Ironic that we're talking about it on gtalk whilst I'm writing this.

So that's a brief introduction to regrets in my life. People reading this should post a regret - even if it's "wasting 2 minutes of my life reading this bullshit" - in the comments section! =P

I was eating my toast this morning - brown, with peanut butter and apricot conserve - and I was thinking about jams.

My grandad really likes marmalade and when you go to get out the honey, or peanut butter, or whatever, you see a jar of marmalade, and it says "Sainsbury's Orange Marmalade."

Isn't the definition of marmalade that it's a sort of jam-conserve-type thing, traditionally made from oranges? I know you get lime marmalade or lemon, and it's reasonable to say "lemon marmalade" but honestly, what's the point in putting "orange marmalade"? You get different flavoured Lemonade, and the titles change accordingly, but I've not come across "Lemon Lemonade". That'd be daft, no? Or "Coke Coca Cola" - don't forget there's cherry coke.

Apparently the definition is technically wrong. According to answers.com, marmalade is originally a portuguese creation from Quince. But now-a-days Seville Oranges are the more commonly used ingredient. Huh.

I was arguing with my brother about the difference between Jam and Conserve once. I said that conserve was just regular jam, except it had whole or parts of fruit in it.
He cleverly came up with an argument using strawberry jam, which often has pieces of strawberry in. But then, it was probably a mislabeled jar. I'm always right where my brother's concerned. Even if the logic isn't right. =P
Conserves are simply jams made of fruit doused in sugar. To conserve it. Aren't I clever?
Jams are slightly different and tend to be runny, stickier and just a big mess - cause they've been "boiled to a pulp with sugar." Doesn't mean I don't love my raspberry jam though. ^^ Without the seeds in though. I find the seeds stick in my teeth and it's not really helped by crunchy peanuts.

This is actually a rather stupid blog, cause the only thing I've proven to myself is that I know the difference [more or less] between conserves and jams.
Still think it's silly to say "orange marmalade", but I can't change the world, can I?

Lanky One says I think too much, which is probably true. Shame I don't think this much in my lessons >>

Well went shopping today.

In the end, we didn't find much. I erm. I was remeasured at the *whisper* bra fitting place, and let's just say, apparently I've shrunk 2 inches around my ribcage, and grown by 3 or 4 sizes, resulting in me having to choose between bras suitable for 50-80 year old FAT women.

Screw that. Bras vary in make, so I'll go with what fits, right? Even if it's "technically too small". =| She was surprised my current one was fitting...so she can lump it.
I've also - in reflection - decided not to trust measurer woman. Last time I was measured, she used an actual tape measure. This one went by various bras, which a)I'd NEVER wear, and b) varied in style, so of COURSE I'm gonna need a huge one when the cup isn't designed to cover you completely.
I'll just be remeasured in Gigantic Bra shop, and M&S, to compare. Ah well.

Once again, I have given far too much information. First monthly cycles, next bra fittings.
Would you like my inner leg lengths? [one's longer than the other if that makes you more interested]

I made myself feel better - after measurerlady suggested a shop, which as I said, turned out to be for old, saggy, fat women - I met the Lanky One, and we went around town. I ended up buying this rather lovely teal top in the H&M sale, along with a sale DVD of Run Fatboy Run which I enjoyed at the cinema.

Retail therapy is an odd idea of women though.
They feel upset, so they go and overdraft on their debit/credit cards to make themselves feel better with clothes, or shoes, or food, but then of course, the after effects lead to more depression and possibly debt.

I don't see men doing that. Mind you, they often had other stupid hobbies. Like drink away their sorrows, slowly pickling their livers and then perhaps doing something incredibly stupid, like sleeping with a woman whom he thought was attractive, but was actually a drag queen, or getting 'I love Fifi' tattooed on their arms, when the wife is called 'Claudia' or something that results in sleeping on the couch and massive hang overs.

Yes, cheering ourselves up certainly leads to odd human behaviour.


I said I'd reward two of my readers - because on a forum I go to, infact most people reading this are from EA, there was a thread about "favourite blogs". And Jessie and Aaron [the smurf, not THE Aaron. ;)] both said they read mine.
So that's the reward. A special mention.

Did I get you all excited? Did I? Did I?

Future blogs I promise will be less detailed about my anatomy, and perhaps more like my old ones: discussions on strange things. I'm thinking about toast a lot lately, so I might do a post on it. That and jam/marmalade.

Heh. I've had a pretty weird day.

Got up, went downstairs and grabbed some toast, did revision on the Walcott poems [I might be able to scrape a reasonable answer together now, so long as the question is not ridiculous], then I read poems out loud to my gran who was baking my grandad's birthday cake, then we ate lunch, then I read an adorable email from The Lanky One who had to go to college to get his deposit on books back, then I watched Gosford Park, then I did more revision, then I argued over a stupid little thing with Lanky One, then I watched holby, then I came upstairs and got stressed out, then he had to go, and I am writing this.

How the hell did I get stressed? For starters, I deliberately finished the bottle of Advocaat - I recommend it with coke if you don't enjoy it neat - so that I would be relaxed enough to sleep. But to no avail. Instead I stressed over how the fudge I'm going to work my meds so that I'm taking them whilst in Egypt and over Lanky One's birthday - fortunately his is 3 days after I come home, so that's cool - cause. Well. Basically, I'm biologically broken. Cysts on my ovaries - yes boys, it's icky gross period talk - meant that I never knew when my next period would be. I went from 3 months of having them every 10 days [I'm sure that's not physically possible] to having them every 6 MONTHS. I kinda got fed up. You know, parents say "oh you'll sort yourself out after the first year or two." Well, lucky me was a late starter, and 4 years in I was still having no joy.
So I went on the pill. And over the exam period, I've been allowed by my doctor to take them 3 months running, cause frankly, when I'm on my period, it's debilitating and I wasn't going to do an exam whilst feeling as thought I've lost half my body mass in blood. [by the way, I'm a graphic sort of girl.] Anyway, I don't particularly want to be on whilst in Egypt in July, so I spent about an hour trying to count days so that I can be on the pill in Egypt and on the 11th of August.
I have 3 options. =D
1: finish my current course a week early. But that means that I have 7 pills left over. =| what the fudge do I do with those?
2: Just finish my current course when I'm supposed to, but not start the next 21 pills until 2 weeks after I'm supposed to.
3: Just come off when I'm supposed to, and stay on another 3 months. - I think my doctor said I could do that, to see how much better or worse a 3 month gap between my 'time of the month' is compared to a month gap. Heh.

Sorry guys. I'm a neurotic sort of person, and I need to talk things out clearly in order for me to understand myself and to make decisions. If you read my blog on choosing what to wear to a party, then you'll have guessed that already. If you're training to be a psychologist. Or just watch good documentaries.

Tomorrow's my final exam. Woot. Going to town on Friday for retail therapy. Should be good in the aftermath. Tomorrow evening my grandmother and brother are taking me to my favourite restaurant - The Jade Fountain - to celebrate. I should be ok. I mean, the unseen passage is pretty easy - you analyse a lot, bring in some own knowledge of the genre or historical context of the setting and compare to other themes of post-colonial books you've read.
Walcott's a bit harder, but I should be ok.

Huh. Stress is a weird thing. Varies in severity with me. Mild: Weepies, tense, panicking and inability to sleep, and the more pronounced stress which fortunately I've not suffered this year consisted of actual weight loss and frequent headaches, even migraines. =D
Never ON the day of the exam though. Only ever just before or after. Usually after. Huh.
Alcohol should relax - particularly liqueur. But never mind. I'm suddenly feeling rather worn out...

Well. I've finished all my exams, save one. English literature on Thursday. I'm confident in half the paper, and a little iffy with the other half, but over all I'll be ok, I think.

The unseen paper is perhaps the most factory-answered paper I've ever had since GCSE. It's 80:20 on passage analysis and everything else [comparison of texts, historical and literary contexts along with some marks on quality of written answer]. Should be fine.

The other paper, on Derek Walcott, a Caribbean poet, is a little trickier. I must try to compare his poems with Jean Rhys's Wide Sargasso Sea. Which is easier with some poems than others. I have to choose the poems according to the question. If I were to discuss 'oppression' or 'memories' then that'd be easy - Ruins of a Great House vs Antoinette's house. If it's something like "Walcott shares with other Post-Colonial writers the ability to create a unique identity for the dispossessed. Discuss.' then I'd have a little more difficulty. I could discuss the tone and anger of his narrator in Ruins of a Great House, and compare his abilities as a poet to that of the novelist Jean Rhys. I suppose if I tried, I could bring in Another Life, but I'm not too strong on his other poems. I need to revise them, really.

I've a plan. Today I'm reading through them and through essays I've written and checking what I need to do for the exam. Tomorrow I will list the themes and quotes and comparisons of each major poem. That way I can bring in some, no?

Kinda bored at the moment. Won't be seeing anyone for the next 4 days. But then Lanky One's coming to camp round mine on Saturday. Yay~

Up until after my classics exam, I was pretty strict with my timetable. However I realised that if there was ANY way that I could get up on Thursday at 6.45 in order to get to my exam, I'd have to start getting up earlier.

I tell you, until last week, I hadn't realised that I wasn't sleeping well. >.<
I wake up at night just thinking about Milton and The Rover.
I hope Milton went to hell. Least he deserves ¬¬. Rejection from his all-loving God. Bastard.

Well. I've done my best with the little energy I have: I've revised the Rover - loosely I'll admit, but I really feel I know this text. I'll give it a quick run through before bed on Tuesday though. ;P.
Milton I've made notes for, tried to learn quotes, but honestly, if I can't use those quotes I remember in any essay question because it's not characterisation, landscape or epic genre, I'm pretty screwed. *shrugs*

It's all cool. I'll just struggle through this week - Critical Thinking which I know nothing of how to answer, Drama/Poetry paper and Edward and Mary - then I can get back to subjects I'm comfortable with.

I've sorted out how to revise for the rest of History: Turning Points, Key Factors and other stuff, and then for the unseen I'll read through notes on Brick Lane for comparison, and swot up on some AO5 [historical context] and then for Walcott, I'll bloody well read the poems and the notes I made with some quotes, and try to reread Wide Sargasso Sea for comparison. >.<

All these quotes to remember. Milton's hardest. Just won't stick. Only a few things.


Ah well. I'll take some herbal tea and lots of sweetners before bed. ^^ That'll make me sleep.
[I can't believe I fell asleep at my desk earlier watching Scrubs >_<;']

Well today I had the exams on Emperors and Tragedies.

In the end, I did all but Claudius and Nero indepth, and nothing on the tragedies. And it's just as well, because the question on Nero was answerable because of my opposition table I did, and then the synoptic ""The Praetorian Guard and its commanders were the only important factor in influencing the maintenance of the emperor's power." How far do you agree with that statement" was perfect for the opposition, influence and personality charts I'd done for revision, meaning I was able to cross-reference all the emperors, even Gaius. And I knew the names of all the important commanders: Sejanus, Macro, Burrus, Tigellinus. I've just realised I meant to mention Rufus, but I forgot. Never mind.

The Tragedies, I honestly felt I needn't revise: mostly because the synoptic questions are a bit obscure. Todays were certainly tricky, but I think I gave it my best shot. It was easy to pick which of the two extracts to write about. The 15mark question on Oedipus was "How important was the audience's knowledge of the truth for the effectiveness of Oedipus the King?". Simple. Dramatic Irony, Morals and messages and scope for the playwrite to add tension with other devices, rather than focusing on making the plot clear.
The synoptic was a choice between the importance of Self-sacrifice in the three plays [I did this one], and to what extent the three plays had a sense of closure at the end.
I feel I might have been able to do the closure, but I didn't think I'd write enough. If it weren't a 40 mark essay, I might have attempted it. Seemed like a 15 mark question to me. >>

Ah well. I hope I got at least a B. An A would be lovely - I got a high A last year, and 84% in my coursework this year, so that'd be rather spiffy.


Starting tomorrow is my Milton/Rover/Mary&Edward revision.
I am focusing on Milton - that's the hardest exam I have to face this year. Perhaps even EVER. Seriously.
Teacher was a nice dude, but he had trouble keeping the class on track. And when he did, The Idiot One would distract it with a stupid comment or bring in the other 10 Books just because he's got an illustrated set - he hasn't read them, he's looked at the pictures =| - which we aren't supposed to know, or are expected to know, and it confused us all. Also wasted about 20 minutes of our already cut down lesson. Idiot.

Set my alarm for a killed 7.30 tomorrow. I've got into a bad bad BAD sleep cycle. Bed late, up late. I tried to get up at 8.45 this morning and it was hellish. I woke up in time for the exam at 13.30 though, so that was ok.
But next week, I have Edward and Mary at 9.15, so it's probably a good idea to be able to get up at 6.45 in order to get a bus.

Well, seems I'm a happy bunny this week, if I'm just going to write two happy happy blogs in a row.

I've been bleedin' busy this week, but strangely I don't mind. Probably be bored otherwise, or feeling guilty, or tonnes more worried about my exam than I am.

Tomorrow I have my Roman Emperor and Greek Tragedies exam. Fun!
Well. Sort of. Tiberius and Claudius have their moments I suppose, but there's not enough on Gaius *sob* and Nero only gets interesting after he murders his mother, so....

The Greek tragedies I've revised...not so much. I guess I feel I know them inside out. Themes are simple: Crime and Punishment, Riddles, Religion, Social Rules, Justice, Family life etc. Simple.

I've also played my fill of Oblivion for this week. =o I've completed the main quest for Shivering Isles, which was quite fun, except for one bloody annoying quest. I can't believe I have to put the thing I killed at the start back together again. Although, that's not quite true. I have a say in how he's designed.
Naturally, the end of the quest was easily predicted - much like all the quests really. I'm now top dog. A god! Even.

Today I played hostess and tea-lady. Lanky One - whom I'd not seen for nearly a week and believe me, I missed him a lot. ;_; - came and helped. He was wonderful.
And my gran's leg is...sort of getting better...I guess.

So everything's hunky dory.

Nice to see a comment on my last blog. I had an idea some people read these, but really, it made me smile to know that he liked it. o.o
Unlike my Old Best Friend and My Brother, I don't really go for statistics, and number of hits - they're youtubers; what do you expect? - so this took me by surprise.

I kinda wanted to tell a joke at the end of this, but I can't think of one.


Good luck to you peoples who have exams at the moment. =)

Had a really productive day today.

Yesterday I went to town with my mate Giggles. We only went in for about 2 hours - she had to get a lift back at 5.30, but that was ample. It was really nice. Walked about trying to buy The Olds a replacement cushion thing, but the shop had moved or shut down. =(
Then we sat outside on the Green. Had a merry giggle, and just chatted a lot.

When I got home, I felt guilty for only doing minimal revision in the last week, so I set up a strict revision timetable. Tis well cool. The timings are perhaps a bit unrealistic, I've come to realise, but it's nice to finish "early." Today, I planned to do revision of the Senate under each emperor - Tiberius through to Nero - from 11.00 till 1.00. I finished at 12.30 - having added extra revision of Tiberius, allowing me more revision time on Tragedies later in the week -, giving me a break from 12.30 till 2.30. Then I revised the Influence of Imperial women, Freedmen, Senate, Praetorian Guard and high-position leaders and the Army on the emperors. ^^ Finished an hour early. 3.30, instead of 4.30.

So that's cool.

Also sorted out my fan problem. My pc's graphics card fan is sooooooooo loud. Normally there's a light humming heard in the kitchen and the dining room, but it was bearable. But this was ridiculous. So I turned down the fan, but that's no good if I need to game, when it's advisable to have maximum cooling. So I've shoved the tower on a stool. Much better. Can have it on loud almost all the time now. x]

I've even done some housework. Gonna chill after 4. That's when I've left time every day - in the late afternoon when my brain's frazzled - to just chill and do what I like. ^^

But it feels good to have done all of that. I knew most of it, when I thought about it, but just doing active chart-drawing helped draw that to the surface. Roll on Thursday.

Lately I've been so fed up with the criticism and nagging of my friend for not staying out longer, or staying round someone's all night, or doing whatever everybloody else is doing, I decided to completely sit out the latest meet-up. Lanky One told them I was ill.
Well, if they read this, they can have a merry laugh or a bitch about me for lying. I hate lying like that, but honestly, it was easier than saying for the 50th time 'I'm going home at such and such a time' 'because...' or 'no, I can't come' or whatever. I can't seem to get my friends to understand that I actually don't always mind going home, and I don't want to p*ss The Olds off between now and September. I'm not the only one in the house - not fair on them if I come home at 7 in the morning, or at 3am.

Problem is, tonight's sounds fun. =/ Lanky One meant well by ringing, but now I know what I'm missing out on. Kinda. I was perfectly happy before he rang - Sorting out my pc, getting it up to speed etc. Then one tiny text sets the ball rolling. "Hi."
Maybe I shouldn't have texted back, I dunno.

For once it's just Lanky One, Almost-Cuddly One [demoted her], Italiano and Not-Racist One. The Dial-up duo aren't there. Which would have been fine, probably. Even with the Olds, who knows? No point in finding out, cause I'm sure she'd have said no if I'd expressed a wish to go to Not-Racist One's house for the night. My Old Best Friend thinks they're plebbish, common, etc. A waste of time - afterall, I'm not fully functional after only 6 hours sleep. Tonight sounds as though I'd be able to, maybe. Whilst she almost has a point, it doesn't stop me wanting to go sometimes. I fight my corner when I actually want to go, otherwise what's the point? If I'm not keen on staying up all night, or I don't feel I could handle the company for more than 7 hours, why should I persevere against The Olds's better wishes?

The Almost-Cuddly One is of the opinion that I should have more fun. Go out more. Get a job so I have more money to go out more to have more fun. Perfect.
Well, if she's always bloody going on about it, she's sucking the fun out of the time I do spend going out. I'm starting to avoid her, and the others. When I go out, it's fine, but if she thinks of a last-minute plan to go round her house to get p*ssed - she lives further out of the way than I do - and I decline, she gets annoyed. I noticed in a thread on facebook though, that she didn't complain when Italiano declined her last-minute invitation yesterday for us all to go to hers yesterday evening.
Apparently because I'm either busy or particularly broke or just not able to stay out as long whenever she decides to tell me to come out with her, I warrant nagging and constant attitude.

Italiano and Not-Racist and Lanky Ones all just accept it if I can't come or can't stay out for whatever reason. Why can't the others? PARTICULARLY Almost-Cuddly One. I love her, and she was a good friend until recently, but honestly. Now I'm not sure she likes me, just wants someone extra to keep the party going or something.


Heh. That's my moan. And all because I'm fed up tonight now that Lanky One's rung me. He put me on to Cuddly One and Italiano. >.< Cuddly One asked how I was - and I said I was feeling better, which is now far from the truth. I feel shizzle now - then joked about me coming to Not-Racist's house. If I'm supposedly ill, is joking about me going out really gonna make me feel better? I dunno. She can't seem to get it off her mind. Almost one-track-minded where I'm concerned: Get Maus Out of the House.


At least with my exams coming up, I've got a real excuse for not coming out with people who don't accept me for what and who I am.
I don't think they realise how lonely I get. If they just. Let me be - let me come and go as I please: I am my own agent, afterall - if they'd just. Shut up about how often and "how little fun" I have, then maybe I would want to be around them more, and maybe I wouldn't have to avoid them like this, possibly missing out on some hours of socialising. Right now I am feeling the crappest I've been in a while. Great. Bloody great.

What's up with the weather?

Supposed to rain, so it's sunny and hot, then it totally lets rip, chucking it down and windy. =(

Bit bored I guess. Tidying up yesterday went so well!

Until I erm. Finished cleaning.  Now my stuff's all where it was before. Still have to actually tidy the room.

I plan to do a timeline of Edward and Mary by tomorrow....shouldn't take -that- long. Just a graph thing. Year, event, people involved. Sorted.

Course, Classics is more important at the moment - I have the damn exam on Thursday 5th. Fun. Starts at 1.45, don't get out till about 5.15. I'll have just missed a bus. =( Might not get home till about 6.30, just in time for tea. x]

Don't forget to hold your mouse over the image. It has an extra caption - I thought it appropriate.

I've been blogging a lot lately, and I'm wondering why. Maybe it's  because I find it easier to vent my feeling through writing. Or maybe it's attention-seeking. Nah. I don't think so. It was a hidden blog for two years. Then I decided to let people read it. What the hell - basically.

I rant, and I write poems - not so much lately - and I just talk nonsense. Or I try to put deeper thoughts into words. THAT's actually harder than it sounds.

Today I'm just bored, and trying to find something to do. I could do my revision, but I'm being interrrupted every 10 minutes, so that's a bit pointless. So far today, I've showered, eaten and done dishes. Oh and watched very sweet pheasant chicks with their mum.
Very sweet. Until you realise who their father is, then you want to wring their necks to stop them from becomming fat and annoying. He is the most annoying wild animal I've come across. And he's bloody HUGE. No kidding. Almost turkey sized.

SPOILER ALERT


Fecking aliens in Indiana Jones 4. Supernatural happenings is normal for Indie. Grail, Ark, Glowey Rocks in India. But honestly. There was even a friggin' space ship under Machu Pichu. =|

Kinda spoiled it for me, cause over all there were hints of the previous films which was nice.


Day was alright. Except for a small case of 'gawd, that Maus is so stingy' and 'gawd why doesn't she ever stay out for more than a few hours?' 'why can't she join in for once?' =/ Frankly Cuddly One can shove that up her arse. I'm tired of it to be honest.

Is it wrong for me to want to save a bit of money for my computer? Is it wrong for me to want to keep my grandparents happy between now and September? Is it wrong for me to want to go home a little early than the others for once? Instead of staying out till god-knows what time as per usual?

Heh.

Lanky One made me feel better. He didn't really want to go to Cuddly One's house because he felt guilty giving his grandparents short notice. So he came home with me on the bus. It was nice talking to him alone for a bit. I go a bit mute with the others around now. Cause anything I say pisses them off. =/ Yesterday she attacked me for putting historical reference on these bronze flowers in the pavement in town. Telling me to stop thinking about money, that not everything is about how much money you have. =/ I was just commenting how debasement wasn't really necessary in the area if they'd just turned them into coins. It was a great deal of money in the 1600s.
Heh.

She doesn't seem to like me much anymore anyway. I don't particularly care anymore either. =D So it works out.

I might still go to the ball. My mate Giggles [I love her laugh] isn't part of teh group - she's in my English and History classes, and I've hung round with her friends quite a lot, and she's a laugh. She wants me to go. Which is really nice of her. So I might. I'm not paying. Shame Lanky One can't go. Just needs a shirt and trousers. =/ but he probably won't have the £23 by the end of June. ._.

I can't tell you how relieved I am to have the week off. I've been SO tired. I can't seem to sleep through the night properly. Going to college - often for no reason - has been torture. Takes an hour to get in and so on.

I'm ordering my pc parts tonight. >> Paying £67 myself, but fortunately, The Olds are paying £80.
I'm a bit nervous....don't want to order stuff that won't fit my case, you know? Still. I can -sort- of blame Lanky One. "You said it would!" =P

Watching Indiana Jones and the Raides of the Lost Ark atm. Bit difficult typing and concentrating. It's all go, afterall.